If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
