She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
