HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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