omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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