remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
