brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
