Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
