There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
