yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
