Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
