his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
honey bunches of taint.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
