we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
