He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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