found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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