I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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