I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you bring me the toilet please
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize