Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
