Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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