This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize