Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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