Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
