Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
