Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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