please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
