I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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