I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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