I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
