So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
