He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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