my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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