And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
