he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
