I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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