alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
