garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
