sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
