i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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