Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
