Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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