I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize