Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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