im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
