Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We talked him into tasing himself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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