She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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