Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
