I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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