i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
