Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
