Your face is a jimmy john
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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