So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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