these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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