come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You've changed since you got that strap on
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
