He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize