Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I could fuck to npr.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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