I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
