they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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