I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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