I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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