i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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