So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
