Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
