Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
