You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
