With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
