Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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