I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
