tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
