while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
