batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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