Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
