dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
