At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
