i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
