Umm I'm too high to move.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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