And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
